sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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