i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
