I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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