The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
