WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
