The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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