some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
we should paint friendship bongs
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
