What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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