so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
