pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
