she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just want nice things and good sex
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
