I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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