You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
