Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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