when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
