Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
