I puked a lego.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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