therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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