I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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