There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
