He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
