Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
