Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize