I wish my penis had an off switch
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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