mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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