OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
this boner is exhausting
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
