you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
