I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
