Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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