im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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