I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
