3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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