shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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