If that was your dad, he is hot
oh god the rape fog is back!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
