Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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