I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
