I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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