Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
