I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
