he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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