the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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