Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
