you win again, gameday.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
