I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
