She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
