if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My penis needs a shock collar
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
