If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize