He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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