her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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