2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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