we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We are two peas in an std pod
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
