wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
