watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
