Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
