we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Acid is not a monday night drug
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
