Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
