I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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