The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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