Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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