Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
