dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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