"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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