Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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