is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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