He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
