The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
