Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
