I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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